Going Home

I stood at the shore at dawn

and looked at the sea

Tranquilly I watched the waves fooling around
and I listened to their calming sounds

Impulsively I accepted their invitation

Slowly, step by step I walked into the shallow water
I didn’t care that my white skin-tight pants got wet

I just moved on

When the water was up to my knees
I perceived the extent of width
How reassuring the deep-blue appeared to me

I couldn’t go back - I wanted to go further

When the water was up to my hips
I began to unbutton my tight-fitting jeans coat
How smooth the sea was this morning

While I was moving on
I took off the blue mantle
How good it did to feel the water

I dropped my coat on the left
A bit concerned I turned to the coat
I didn’t want to see it sinking

Surprisingly I saw a man in a rowboat
just a few metres behind me

Benevolently the fisherman nodded to me
He would pick up the mantle into his boat
And so I didn’t care about it anymore

I just knew - I wanted to go further

To my left a little red plastic shovel
bobbed up and down on the water
close enough to me to take it

But I wouldn’t need it anymore
I wouldn’t need any tools any more

When my feet lost ground
I began to swim

I’m going home, I smiled

And while the sea was showing me
thousands of tiny stars
I swam freely towards the light of the rising sun

Copyright © 2013 DancingElla

Red Sea, Marianne North, 1880

The Moment of Goodbye

There was a time I missed you

The Black Marble Clock, Paul Cezanne

doch diese Zeit ist nun vorbei
I spent much time with waiting
time which simply passes by
I feared to face the moment
the moment of goodbye

I thought I have to take it
the suffer and the pain
thought really I could make it
if only I were not that vain

I thought it were a good thing
reduced what I call pride
result - I missed not only you
I also missed the voice inside

Still miss the funny hours
as well as the inspiring time
but now I’m out of powers
and memories covered with rime

There was a time I missed it
the chance to say goodbye
but this time I’ll take it
now it is pain which will pass by
Yes, even I still miss you
die Zeit mit Dir ist jetzt vorbei.

Copyright © 2013 DancingElla

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Fallen Angel

Satan, Gustave Dore

The fight against myself ...
what have I done to me
what have I allowed to be done to me

Crime and punishment ...
wherein lies the temptation?
to follow my own will?

Power struggles
no will to forgive
bad vibes kept as warning
unable to let go ...

The more I tried to be good
the more my clear silhouette blurred
the clarity of my person ...

The original good turned into evil
solely out of a desire to be good ...
adapted
the wish to adapt myself, just to be loved
always to give, to be finally seen

Ultimately the realization
that this was in vain
a continuous bleeding
which can only lead to downfall

A helpless creature I've finally shown
which has now found its place among all the others
in the darkness
in the shadow of those who seemed so much more powerful

I hid my light, to be loved
adjusted my I
and was neither recognized as I
nor loved as the being I figured

The fallen angel
inscrutable
intangible
without center
without a core
without edges
always friendly
but empty
so empty inside

Shame before those who are close to my heart
of whom I think they might actually love me
as the being that I am inside
makes me retreat further
makes me seek solitude
and again
I’m swallowed by the darkness of my shadow.

Copyright © 2013 DancingElla

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