I had an odd dream some time ago. It was a time when life was rocking me through troublesome water.
I was dead and so I knocked on heavens door.
Saint Peter opened and said, “Welcome to heaven. Who are you?”
I cleared my throat and answered respectfully, “Well, it’s just me.”
Saint Peter opened his book, looked inside, he turned the pages backwards and forwards several times.
Then he looked up and frowned, “It’s not your time yet,” he looked straight into my eyes and continued, “and the person I see has never been you.”
Cold showers were running over my back, then I said very meekly, “I know you’re right, but I also know I was very close to myself several times,” I showed him all the scars on my soul from the fights of trying to be myself, “but I’m afraid I failed every time.”
I fell on my knees, my heart was that heavy, and I begged, “Please, let me in, I’m tired. I beg you, let me see paradise.”
Saint Peter was silent for a while. Then he held out his right hand for me to take, and helped me to my feet again, “Alright, come in, but just for a few moments.”
We walked through the door and I saw that bright light. I felt comfortable warmth, like a sunbath on a gorgeous day in spring. I saw the people there and I could feel their happiness.
Saint Peter still on my side turned his head towards me and whispered, “I give you a hint. Try to catch the feeling. Then you have to go back.”
The next morning I woke up with a smile on my face, I was still feeling the warmth. No troubles, no worries on my mind. My heart was beating the rhythm of joy and it was as light as never before.
I got up and went to the bathroom, humming a little melody. I looked into the mirror. The feeling I could capture last night was still alive. I looked deep into my eyes, they were as bright as never before.
“That’s it! - Saint Peter I thank you. The next time we see each other, you’ll actually meet me.”
Now whenever I pass a mirror I’m going to see if the brightness is still here. And as soon as the sky of my little world is getting cloudy, when troubles seem to depress me, so that I can’t breathe freely anymore, I grab that feeling out of the treasure of my memories, and I have to smile immediately. I know again what actually is important in my life and what my next step will be.