Fallen Angel

Satan, Gustave Dore

The fight against myself ...
what have I done to me
what have I allowed to be done to me

Crime and punishment ...
wherein lies the temptation?
to follow my own will?

Power struggles
no will to forgive
bad vibes kept as warning
unable to let go ...

The more I tried to be good
the more my clear silhouette blurred
the clarity of my person ...

The original good turned into evil
solely out of a desire to be good ...
adapted
the wish to adapt myself, just to be loved
always to give, to be finally seen

Ultimately the realization
that this was in vain
a continuous bleeding
which can only lead to downfall

A helpless creature I've finally shown
which has now found its place among all the others
in the darkness
in the shadow of those who seemed so much more powerful

I hid my light, to be loved
adjusted my I
and was neither recognized as I
nor loved as the being I figured

The fallen angel
inscrutable
intangible
without center
without a core
without edges
always friendly
but empty
so empty inside

Shame before those who are close to my heart
of whom I think they might actually love me
as the being that I am inside
makes me retreat further
makes me seek solitude
and again
I’m swallowed by the darkness of my shadow.

Copyright © 2013 DancingElla

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