Tuesday, December 8, 2009

The Girl in the Mirror

by Ingrid Prohaska

Recently I was asked about my life history and that reminded me on a CV written in summer 2007. That time I was attending my first english lessons. We had to do homework and should write a CV about ourselves or a person we wanted to talk about. I decided to introduce my class "The Girl in the Mirror".

I can’t remember our first meeting, but I know I met her when she was about 4 years old. There was an invitation to a carnival festivity in kindergarten. She wanted to be “Pippi Langstrumpf”. Her mother dressed her, made those typical plaits and painted freckles into her face. She looked out of the mirror and – I was shocked – and she started crying, “No, no mum that’s not me!” I really felt strange about her look.

I know I met her at the age of 10. She had a new haircut. She looked at me out of the mirror I think a hundred times that day. I thought she was really good looking. I felt like she was looking like.

I met her again at the age of 13. Her face had become spotty. I felt mercy with her, but – I didn’t like her face. I couldn’t feel like she was looking like.

I met her again at the age of sweet 16. She had got her first kiss that night. I thought, “That is a kissed girl looking like?” I missed something in her eyes.

I met her again in the age of 22. She lived together with her boyfriend. She had started a serious life, had started to wear serious clothes and had a serious haircut. I didn’t like the woman in the mirror. I felt strange about the woman I saw.

She split up, she changed the job, she started to study, she moved the apartment. She was on holiday. When she looked out of the mirror I was pleased to see her. I felt like she was looking like.

She worked too much, she had a lot of stress, she missed time for herself, she missed love, she looked for happiness. She couldn’t find what she missed. The woman in the mirror looked old, had hard features, small dim eyes, her mouth was just a line. I couldn’t stand the woman in the mirror. I didn’t want to feel how she was looking like.

She quitted her job, she took up her study again, she started to enjoy life. She was 36. When I met her that time I said, “Hey Lady in the mirror you look better!”

In summer 2006, the woman in the mirror was 38, her mother had her first heart-attack. Three heart-attacks  followed until 9th November 2006, when her mother got an operation. She stayed in hospital the whole day. She was full of fear. The operation wasn’t as successful as the doctors had expected. Nearly 4 weeks followed between death and alive.

The woman in the mirror was full of fear. She prayed to God, she asked for the future. On 6th December she stayed with her mother till her death.

She left the hospital with her brother. Outside she saw the buildings and the people moving as nothing had happened. She said, “Alles schaut gleich aus und doch ist jetzt alles anders.“*

The woman in the mirror was very sad, her mother was not only her mother, she was also her best friend. Although she knew that life would go on she felt that her life had stopped in that moment.

Then she remembered what she told her mother in hospital, “When we are out of this situation there is nothing else to fear about.”

And suddenly the woman in the mirror threw away what she didn’t need. She threw away her fears, she threw away her doubts, she threw away her worries about her future.

And - she stopped searching and started finding.
And - she found something very valuable - she found herself.
And so - she found me.

Now we meet each other every day with respect and love. She has found out that there is nothing about her she has to hide.

When we meet each other in the mirror she smiles at me and sometimes she winks at me.
I think we are very good friends today.

She has started to write. She is looking forward her future.

She is enjoying her English lessons now and she is very happy that her teacher likes her stories.

*means: “It all looks the same, but nevertheless everything is different now.”

Copyright © 2007 Ingrid Prohaska

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